How is it possible to feel so lost? How is it possible to feel so god damn lost in the world you have no clue of where you're going next? At one point you're just looking around trying to make a living, in the next the only thought in your head is how the hell am I going to get just that one person! Everything changes, you're trying to change all that your life has been the last year. Trying to change back into what you really are, trying to stay with what you know. But everything has already changed. There is almost nothing you can do anymore, but you know you have to. Everybody always say that what you know, you never forget. But unfortunately they also say that every habit you take on is much harder to get rid of than to get. What to do...
All I know right now is that I must crawl out of my shell and out in the big world again. Stop trying to be something I'm not, stop trying to settle with something I know won't work. I know I can't live with this, and I've always known that, but sometimes it is hard to believe in something you don't want to be true. Sometimes you'd even give up your own happiness to keep someone else happy, to keep the rest from hurting that one person. Even though you deep inside know that eventually you are going to be the person hurting that one special person you care so much for you'd give yourself.
You can't give yourself to somebody you won't be happy with, because doing that's not healthy you know. When you love a person you don't need to like him that way, but when you want to enough you just overlook your own needs. You just go for it, trying to save this friend from all of his misery and pain, but you start your own vain. You won't survive living like this, and how to be with someone that doesn't turn you on, I don't know. This must come to an end, whatever you must do. If you're in love with someone who may be the best person ever, then don't stay with those that doesn't fulfill what you need in a partner. Hear my word!
